Dear Men, Dear Brothers: We sisters…

This is an open letter to all Men and to our Brothers as well. Although this is to Men and Brothers, this letter is for My Sisters. Men will not understand what I just said. Brothers will. Hopefully, at the

end of this letter all will understand.

Dear Men,
We don’t need your instructions; the box that society believes we should fit in.
We sisters… we’ve been fighting to break out of it since we were little girls.
Since we were told ladies are all supposed to like pink, wearing pretty dresses and having tea parties.

Dear Men,
We don’t need you to tell us how our relationships are supposed to be.
We sisters… we make our own choices.
We all want different things.
We don’t need you to write books and host talkshows outlining the details of how we should dress,
What diet we need to be on,
Whether our hair is too short or too long, or too straight or too curly
If our butts are too big or too small,
If our breasts are being covered or not being covered enough,
We sisters… adorn our bodies differently because we are all different.
Our state of dress never determines how we should be addressed.
We sisters… we deserve your love and respect.

Dear Men,
In these books, on your talkshows, in your conversations or interviews we don’t need you to tell us
How we should talk or interact with the world.
We come from all different backgrounds, walks of life, ethnicities, races, sexual orientations.
We color our language and express ourselves with all different words from intricate to plain, vulgar to  decent.
We sisters… we have beautiful minds.

Dear Men, 
While you’re at your podium or writing your next chapter please know that we don’t need you to tell us
What type of man we need to date; the “Good Guy”
“The Good Guy” you’ve told us to wait for, to accept, to date is not a “Good Guy” if he doesn’t respect our choices and our boundaries.
“The Good Guy” isn’t always the man with a 9-5 and a 401K.
Sometimes he works with his hands or not at all.
Sometimes he rents an apartment or sleeps on someone’s couch.
We sisters… we love these men for all different reasons.
We sisters… we are not the same and not one of us loves the same.

We don’t need you to tell us whether we should date men.
Some of us love women with all our hearts and souls.
Don’t ask sisters how they have sex or who is “the man”
The answer is none of your business and neither.
We sisters… some of us love both.
Don’t tell us that we’re confused; trust me when I say we have our eyes wide open.
Don’t tell us that we’re just experimenting or that we need to “pick a side”
Our love has no side.
We sisters… who we love is none of your concern.
We sisters… we won’t keep who we love a secret to make you comfortable.

Dear Men, 
We don’t need you to tell us whether we need to be single, committed, secret, public or monogamous.
Some of us are free spirits who allow our hearts to flow with the wind, the moon and the sun.
We sisters… some of us embrace our sexuality and some of us do not.
We sisters… are free to make that choice whichever one it may be.

Some of us want to flaunt our love.
Some of us want to be private.
We sisters… we can share as much or as little as we want about our relationships.

Some of us are polygamous or polyamorous.
Do not try to tell us what we are.
We sisters… we decide how and what our lifestyle is.

Some of us love multiple women,
multiple men,
multiple men and women.
Some of us are sister wives.
We love our husband and we love our sisters.
Don’t tell us that we are number two, three, or four.
Our family does not see love the way you do.
That’s okay.
Don’t call us names or drop bible verses in our inboxes and mailboxes.
We sisters… we have a family and we love one another.

We sisters… we don’t need you to understand the way we love.
We sisters… we don’t need you to validate our families and relationships.

Dear Men,
We are not sluts, bitches, hoes, whores, skanks or any other filthy name you call us when you’re angry, talking with your friends, or when we decline your advances.
We are women and ladies.
How would you feel if someone spoke to your mother that way?
What if someone called your sister, niece, cousin, girlfriend, wife, or daughter a hoe? or a skank?
We sisters… we are strong, beautiful, powerful, and all of us deserve better than that kind of language.

Dear Men,
Our vaginas are not punchlines to a joke.
Yes, I said vagina.
It is not a filthy word.
There is nothing wrong with them.
They are beautiful.
They all look and feel different.
They don’t and aren’t supposed to smell fruity or like flowers.
There’s nothing wrong with them if they do or don’t.
Some of us have stretch marks and some of us do not.
Some of us have small breasts.
Some of us have large breasts.
Some of us have perky breasts.
Some of our breasts sag, droop, or maybe one is bigger than the other.
Some of us are skinny.
Some of us are curvy, plump, right in the middle, or overweight.
We sisters… we come in all different shapes and sizes.
We sisters… have bodies, beautiful bodies, and guess what? They are not here for your pleasure and consumption.
They are our bodies.

Dear Men,
When we say no.. we mean no.
We could be married to you, in a sexual relationship with you, or just met you.
No still means no.
No is a full sentence.
No means you need to stop.
We could still have our clothes on, be completely naked, or right in the middle of having sex.
You could be right on the brink of orgasm.
No still means no.
No is a full sentence.
No means you need to stop.
We sisters… we are not sexual toys for you to pleasure yourself with.
We sisters… we are human beings and we own our bodies. You do not.

Dear Men,
We sisters… we don’t want you to be Men.
We sisters… we want you to hear us, but we don’t need you to hear us.
We sisters… we want you to work with us not against us, but we don’t need you to.
We sisters… we want you to acknowledge your privilege so you can work with us, but we don’t need you to.
We sisters… we have been fighting this uphill battle for a very long time with out you.
We sisters… we want you to be Brothers.

Dear Brothers,
We sisters see you and we love you.
We know that you hold yourselves and your brothers accountable.
We know that you acknowledge your privilege and you try to help us in the ways that you can.
We know that you acknowledge and respect our struggle.
You respect us.
We know that you are trying to be our ally.
It is brothers, like you, that try to help us build.
It is brothers, like you, that know we don’t need your help to build.
You respect that.
Knowing this, you help us in the ways you can.
United, yet separate, we can change the world.
We sisters… we appreciate you brothers.

Dear Brothers,
We know that you too have been put into a box.
Be strong, they say.
Never cry, they say.
They devalue a brother if he says he has been sexually assaulted or raped.
We know how that feels.
No means no for you too, brothers.
We know that you love different ways too.
We know that our brothers love brothers,
multiple sisters and brothers too.
Some brothers are sexually expressive and others are not.
We sisters… we respect the way you choose to love.
We know that, like us sisters, our brothers are not all the same.

Dear Brothers,
Thank you for supporting our choices.
Thank you for supporting us when we say we want a career,
a family,
to be a stay-at-home mother,
artists,
mechanics,
soldiers, and so much more.
You know that we can do these things with out you.
You know that we don’t need your approval to flourish and grow.
You know this and you support us.
You watch us grow.

Dear Brothers,
Your letter is shorter for many reasons.
It is shorter because you know so much of the above already.
It is shorter because you, brothers, don’t need our praise, recognition, or favors to allow you to keep helping and supporting us.
This is one of the reasons I call you brothers.
Most of all, your letter is shorter because there are not enough words to thank you for all that you do.
We sisters… we love you.
We sisters… we do not want you to change; we want you to keep growing. 

Love, A Sister,

Shhheba

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s